Is it just me or does there seem to be so many more toxic/narcissistic people in the world than ever before? I don’t know if there are truly more or if myself and many others have just been exposed to them more and have become educated about them so they seem more prevalent. I’m not sure. But I do know that I have read so many stories from different people and also know personally many people, myself included, who have dealt with this in recent years and it seems to be becoming an epidemic on a global level.
And it’s definitely something we all need to become aware of and educate ourselves about so we can protect ourselves because these people can do so much damage to someone’s life it’s unreal. And one of the scariest things is that they have become so good at hiding who they are from spending years honing their lies and fake personas that people can be sucked in and deeply entrenched in the relationship and lose so much before they even realize what is happening and it makes it so much harder for them to get out.
This is especially true of highly empathetic people as these people tend to be people pleasers and fixers. Empathetic people are givers-we give and give all while draining our own souls to do so. We are fixers and are so sure that with the right amount of trying, the right amount of giving, and most importantly the right amount of love, we can heal anyone. So we try…and try…and try…never realizing how much of ourselves we are losing in the process.
There’s nothing wrong with having a huge heart and being able to love and give so generously but we also need to learn how to protect ourselves because unfortunately there are a lot of predators in the world who will use this against us. And we also need to learn to accept the fact that some people truly can’t be fixed no matter how hard we try or how much we wish differently.
Unfortunately the world is full of people who will literally suck all the life and energy out of you just by being around you and the bad energy they bring, and it’s amazing how many of these people will enter your life at various times and in various ways. When this happens there will come a time when you have to start evaluating just what, if anything, you get out of these relationships/situations (and if you’re truly honest with yourself…not a darn thing good and most likely a boatload of pain, chaos, and confusion) and decide what to do about it.
As hard as it is at some point you have to face reality. As hard as it is to see the truth, to give up on someone you love or who is important to you, to give up the dreams you had for the future you saw with them, you have to accept that you can’t fix someone no matter how much love you pour into them. People can only fix themselves and many won’t choose to do so. For many they see no reason to since how they live and function has worked for them, at least temporarily, time and time again. Many don’t see how truly disordered or dysfunctional they are. Or they do and they just don’t care. Many actually thrive on the pain and trauma they cause others because it feeds their ego and makes them feel important while covering up the insecurities and weakness they truly feel on the inside.
Sometimes there’s nothing you can do except realize that you deserve better and walk away. Realize that you deserve real love, real friendships, real relationships, and healthy work environments. Realize that there are many people in your life already and out there in the world that you haven’t even met yet who will give you these things.
I can’t tell you to break up with, leave, or divorce the person, or to quit the job, or to cut off the family member that’s causing you unhappiness or harm. That’s not my job or purpose. My purpose is to remind you of your worth, remind you that you matter and your feelings matter, and your dreams matter, and that you deserve kindness, love, and respect from everybody in your life. You have to decide for yourself what to do about it and what works for you and your situation personally.
Remember also that you deserve people in your life who invest in you just as much as you invest in them and who show up for you as much as you show up for them. You deserve people who put just as much effort in as you do. Never put more emphasis or importance on a relationship than you do on yourself and your life. Don’t allow a relationship to take over your life or destroy you. You are much too valuable and worthy to be stuck in a relationship with someone who is only interested in their own well being and what benefits they can get from you. And if people are treating you poorly, and it doesn’t matter who it is, you have the right to put up boundaries and remove them completely from your life. Don’t feel bad about it either or let them make you feel guilty. They’re not sorry for harming you so you don’t feel sorry for cutting them off. You have every right to protect yourself from people who are toxic to you.
It takes courage to remove yourself from the people, situations, jobs, and places that don’t align with your dreams and goals or that make you unhappy. It can take a lot of time to work up to doing it and also a lot of time to heal from it. Detoxing from an unhealthy relationship or environment takes effort, time, and patience. There will be good days and bad days. There will be days where you feel happy and sure of the direction you are heading, then days you feel like you are losing ground and going backwards. It’s ok. Just stay hopeful. Give yourself time. Love yourself a little harder. Stay close to those who genuinely love and appreciate you. Be patient. Things will get better. Keep going and don’t look back. Pour all your energy, effort, and love into yourself, your dreams, and the people who truly love you and watch your life flourish. You deserve it!
