It’s totally normal to want to feel in control. We all have a need for a certain amount of control in our lives. Control gives us a sense of safety and security. The problem with trying to control things is that so many things are actually out of our control. So much of life is messy and out of control in the normal course of things but if you have lived through many, many bad things that were out of your control completely for so long finding a measure of control, of peace, of stability becomes much more important.
I hate the idea that there are things I can’t change, things I can’t influence, things I can’t control. And I know I’m not the only one. But we all have a choice. We can focus on the things we can control and accept that there are some things that we can’t or we can keep banging our heads on the same brick wall and continue with the same frustrations, the same anxieties, and the same stress.
That’s why it’s important to get clear on what we can control and what we can’t. The more time we spend trying to control the things we can’t, and worrying about it, the less time and energy we have to make changes that would actually benefit us and the less we are able to truly enjoy life.
I know that for many of us there is this fear that if you let go of control everything will fall apart, but that’s not true. What happens when you let go of control is that you release the tension. You stop forcing it all to happen and instead you let it all happen. Releasing control can be scary at first but in reality it is really freeing. You will free up extraordinary amounts of energy when you are willing to let go of the need to control events and people.
The only things we can truly control are our own choices, our own actions, our own behaviors. We can never truly control the choices, actions, or behaviors of other people. You can’t control them and you are not responsible for the things they do, the things they say, or the actions they take. That’s their decisions and their consequences to deal with and our time, energy, happiness, and our lives are more important than wasting time trying to change or control things we can’t.
And if it’s out of your hands it deserves freedom from your mind too. Don’t let your thoughts keep playing on repeat in your mind and ruling your life. You can’t control everything that happens to you but you can control what you think about most of the time. When bad or repeated upsetting or unhealthy thoughts keep intruding on your mind you need to make a concerted effort to redirect your thoughts to something calmer, kinder, happier. It does take effort and intention, especially if it’s an issue that weighs heavily on your heart, but it is possible. Remember: where you put your attention is where you put your energy. So focus it on yourself, on your life, your goals, dreams, happiness, and the things that you can control.
Sometimes you just have to learn to let go of your need for, or the illusion of, control and let whatever happens happen. I know it’s easier said than done but sometimes you really do just have to let go and let things play out the way they need to and be ok with that. Learn to accept things the way they are and let things happen as they should. Many times the best things come to you when you let go of control and expectations of how things should be.
You can’t control everything no matter how badly you want to or how hard you try. So control what you can such as your thoughts, your attitude, and who and what you give your attention and energy to and relax and have faith that things will work out the way they should. Keep striving to be your best and let God handle the rest.
